College

Today I've come to the conclusion that I'm too depressed to even function as a student.
I'm really giving little to no interest in the things I do.
I want to talk to my mother about me dropping out of college. I want to get into therapy. Go to arto school or to culinary school. Follow my passions. At the college I'm in I feel depressed and alone. And my energy get drained every time they ask me to do college work. I don't know whats happening to me.

In other news. My sister has been hospitalized for about 10 days at the psychiatric hospital. I miss her, I've always been there for her. But since some time ago I've become to self centered to notice anything wrong in her.

I feel like crying all the time. Blaming others and wanting to die. I can't die, there must be a space, an important space for me in the future. I just want to feel like I'm worth it.

Failure

I've been feeling so useless since I have common sense that it's just came to the point of being pathetic. I've failed to and so hard. I feel that my minuscule place in live has been reducing little by little with time. Finding the desire to be anything useful in subjects or portraying myself being part of a bigger scene in life has reduced to nothing. I hate this. I want it all but yet I want nothing. I'm afraid that all my burden and all that I've carried all this years and the new things that have hit me certainly have found the way to make me feel less of a person. I even sometimes fear of what I may or not may become that I just wish to die soon and go to the nothing so that I stop being hurt and hurt the ones I love.

Yo quería ser una papa...

Yo quería ser papa y nací cebolla.

A casi todos no les gusta la cebolla.

A todos les agrada de alguna forma la papa.

Se la comen: frita, asada, hervida, majada, en pan y hasta en queso.

A mi sin embargo solo me tienen por sabor

les doy mal aliento y los hago llorar.

Siempre estoy en la cocina pero no soy la amada.

Siempre hacia el lado del plato me echan para no masticarme

ni siquiera a los niños les agrado 

aunque tenga buena personalidad.

Pero siempre habrá alguien que como manzana dulce me comerá.

My best friend

I really love my best friend. I sometimes think she doesn't love me enough but the fact that she has endured all my crying, screaming, depression, sexual harassment (yes, sometime we do that), etc... Proves me wrong. I love her, more than she thinks. I love her as a person. I love you Mila.

Thanks for making me happy at this moment of finding myself. Sometimes I wish I'd tell you everything but my mind always clouds me to do so because I don't want to bother you with my selfish depression. Thanks Mila, I really hope we grow old and still be best friends.

Piragua Pitufo.

               
                 I really love piragua. I took this picture a while ago in Old San Juan and I love it.

La lluvia siempre me trae emociones. Un día de lluvia sentía deseo y mi mente escupió esto..

Quiero bajarte el traje
Dejarte desnuda
Apreciar tus pechos
Tomar tu cintura

Presionar mi barbilla contra tu hombro
Agarrar tus caderas
Besar levemente tu cuello
Bajar lentamente hasta tus nalgas

Apretar tus pechos
Consumir de ellos
Saciar mi sed lujuriosa con tu cuerpo
Hacerte mia
Y yo ser tuya

Quiero bajarte el traje
Besar tu pecho
Besar tus labios
Besar tu vientre

Probar tu dulce néctar
Hacerte mia
Y yo ser tuya

Quiero bajarte el traje.